Visit www.loveletterstowill.com to see more of my Love Letters to Will and how I am finding purpose after the loss of Will.  All from a mother’s perspective…

 

Monday, October 31, 2011 (162 days)

 

Hey Willy,

 

It’s Halloween today and one of your favourite days of the year.  What could be more perfect than a sack full of candy and a bonafide chance to be silly ALL day?!  A definite shoe-in for an almost perfect WillBilly day… the only thing missing would be snow.  And guess what?  …when I woke up this morning it was snowing!  But you already know this, don’t you, Will, because I believe that maybe, just maybe that unexpected, little blanket of white on the grass and on the roads this morning was you, wasn’t it?  I took it as a sign that you wanted to remind us that you are here today in some way and I have to also say that I love that you also showed your little Mr. Blue Sky side and melted the snow before the trick-or-treaters came out this evening.

 

Dad and I were unsure of what to do tonight, thinking it would be really difficult for us to answer the door and hand-out candy when all we could think about was that you should be out there too, with your buddies, going door to door for the big candy haul.  The two questions we wrestled with were 1) what can we do to lessen our pain today and 2) what would you have wanted us to do?  Well, we answered both questions and put the big Halloween bucket on the front porch with heaps of candy (little chocolate bars and tootsie rolls) and a note that said “please share the fun and only take one… or two”.  Then Dad and I and Ben met Justin at Earl’s in Westhills and we shared a lovely dinner together.  We talked fondly about how you’d have made it to every home in Redwood again this year and that your pillowcase of candy would have been it’s fullest and heaviest ever.  We laughed about the ritual of coming in at the end, tired from walking, but high on sugar and excitement, and how you and your brothers would empty your candy onto the floor in the middle of the living room to begin the sort ritual while Dad would try and steal his favourites.  And then the candy rationing would begin and last for days and weeks and sometimes months.   Sometimes some (ahh, lots) would even end up in the garbage.   Oops, I must confess, Willy.  Surely candy can’t last forever without going stale and seriously how much candy does one really need?!

 

Halloween is difficult.  Another hallmark Willy day because you loved it so much.  Halloween will never be the same without you here.  Halloween without you is like salt without pepper, or peanut butter without jam.  It will never be right.

 

Love you, Will.  You were missed by so many today and mostly by us.

 

Momxo

Will surfin’ at Lake Koocanusa: Summer 2011

Sunday, July 31, 2011 (10 weeks)

 

Good morning, Willy,

 

It is another beautiful, blue sky morning and there is not a cloud in the sky.  Mr Blue Sky, hmmm….  Is that you?  Sure, it is.  Our plan is to spend the day on the lake (Koocanusa) in the boat and the only thing that will be missing is you.  You loved waterskiing, (duh, it is “skiing”) and the wake-skate and it was always so much fun to watch you.  It came so naturally to you and you made it look so easy.  But the water was not always something you loved, remember?  As a little guy, you weren’t fond of the lake and the fish that swam in it.  The first year we went houseboating with the Griffin’s you didn’t even go in the lake.  Thankfully, there was a hot tub on the roof or you’d have never seen water.  I did have to submerge you head and all that one day because it was so very hot and I was afraid that you were overheating.  You were not impressed one bit… but I hope you can look back and know that it was necessary out of fear of heatstroke.  You didn’t like those kinds of surprises but who does?  It’s like the moment before you jump off the boat into the cold water when you take that little extra rushed breath before you wonder if you really wanted to jump but it’s too late.

 

I wish you were here, Will.  In your swim shorts with your boxers hanging out the top, waiting for me to put sunscreen on your back and wishing dad and I would just hurry up so we could go.  But wait, you will be there… on my left shoulder where my boy angel sits.  It’s not enough, but it’s all I have.

 

Love you little Will, more than anything… even a bus.

 

Momxo